Today's discovery about self:
I really, really, really, really, really don't like for my taste to be called into question or mocked. Be that taste in friends, movies, music, art, interior decorating, spouse, or whatever.
I probably should not take it so personally but it makes me cry every time.

I think I am just too serious about life.

I'm thinking of posting art again on deviantART so maybe I'll get more commissions.

I really don't want to go back there though.

Nrgh.

Why can't I be a normal human with a normal sleep schedule?
I always have operated as though days were 25 hours long-- I stay up an hour later every night, usually staying up to the wee hours of the morning. Then some real-life commitment requires me to endure some insane sleep loss so that I can be awake at the right time. Then everything is whacked out for a couple days and then I go back to my usual hours. I always seem to stay up until at least 2 in the morning no matter what. My internal clock seems to regard the hours between 8 and 10 AM as hellish; I can't remember the last time I was voluntarily awake at those times.

So yeah. I hate my body. Or I need to move to a new planet with a 25-hour day. Anyone know of any?

I've discovered I do not have a way with words.
Like, I'll come up with an idea and express it. Then someone will come along and be like "No no no, that's all wrong, what you should be thinking is this" and they'll say what I meant but in more exact words. And then I think "Well, that's pretty much what I meant," and I feel like they think I'm ignorant or whatever and if they hadn't ~swooped down to correct me~ I would be lost in the ~error of my thoughts~ even though we had the exact same thought, just worded differently.

Lol, run-on sentences.

Arpie is depressed.
I'm filled with dread about everything.
I dread the end of next month because our household has no stable income and we're going to be homeless again. I dread drawing because I just screw up all the time. I dread tae kwon do because I just fall over and suck. I dread writing because it takes forever for me to get in the zone because my roommate talks at me constantly. I even dread Storm-artists a little because I'm always weeks behind on my watches.
So I sit around worrying and wanting to die. I feel like a kid again.

It's 10:18 and I'm supposed to be asleeeeep

I have a tae kwon do belt test tomorrow. If I don't get enough sleep I have terrible balance and will fall over.

I can't sleeeeeep
no matter how much I lay down

help me friendslist ;_;

I wish I wasn't all full of suck and failure

Yay, feeling morbidly depressed/wanting to die again.

I want winter to be over; this is getting tiresome. I do not have the spiritual energy to keep going through this.

LATER: Got 6 new inking pens in the mail! They are pretty *beams* Started a new picture pronto.
Also, walked to Stuff-mart through the snow.

I'm really depressed and lonely >:

I even signed on to MSN in the hopes someone will talk to me

Nobody's on

I've been wanting a dog again lately, but there is the ever-present problem of paying for its upkeep. Because you know as soon as we get one, it'll break its leg or something.

So depressed lately too. I keep remembering every dumb thing I've done and it eats away at my happiness. Only Christmas spirit has kept me from plunging into utter despair.

We still have our expanded cable we aren't paying for, so I'm getting my non-money's worth by watching Animal Planet for hours on end. Soon they will probably take away the channels, but oh well.

Printed up my Christmas cards and I hate what they say inside. "Let it snow." It was all I could think of even after looking online for cool poems or holiday sayings and such. None of the stuff they had fit the tone of the card.
I did find this nice quote by Erma Bombeck of all people, and I like it: "There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."

Watched Grave of the Fireflies w. Grish.

I want to die now :{

Today I ate lots of candy.
And I got another reply that I am NEVAR allowed back on dA. Cause I'm such a dangerous obnoxious person. I guess.

*curls into a ball and sighs*

Hooray for the black cloud of solemnity hanging over everyone. Blech.

Also, isn't it fun when someone you know decides to throw a Not-Speaking-To-You tantrum and won't let you apologize?

Today was so cold I had to drag my big winter coat out of the closet. Sigh ... it's that season again.

Then I began to paint a drawing I made. It SUCKED and I was mortified that I had ruined it. thankfully, I had scanned the original already and so I made a digital painting of it instead, which went significantly better.

Also, today I was called a hero for artists. I felt pretty good.

I kinda wish I wasn't banned from deviantART.
They're releasing all sorts of new features soon.

...I'm depressed now.

Today I can smell again! And taste!
Though now I've developed a lovely cough.

Today I went to Kim and Amber's and ate a tasty sub and then watched "The Iron Giant" and "Master and Commander."

Then we went to the laundromat and the store. then we came home and ate strawberry shortcake.

Meanwhile, one of my online friends is being passive aggressive and depressed. It's bugging the heck out of me. I INVENTED that game, dangit. I am not fooled.

Tired. Tummy hurt. Cried all day.

It's been awhile.

Gahh I am so frickin depressed. Scott's going away to Washington tomorrow, and I probably won't get to see him for months. No more brother. No more fun times. *Adds him to list of people who have abandoned me*

Watched Atlantis last night. Lovely artwork and cinematic effects in that movie. Plot SUCKS and is full of anachronisms and straight-out impossibilities.

Today, saw Stardust with siblings and Brian. A fun movie, reminded me of The Princess Bride in some ways. Plus, it had a cute mouse! And a unicorn.

Then, back at Kim and Amber's new apartment, we caught a bat! It was hunched in the corner, all dazed and scared looking. When I approached it with a bucket to catch it, he started screaming in his little bat voice and he bared his fangs at me. He had some scary teeth.
But then Scott managed to catch him and we took him outside. Scott says the bat flew off, which means he wasn't hurt too bad.

I'm so depressed. Blahhhhhhhhhh.